The whole purpose of having a blog, a Facebook profile, Twitter feed etc. is to be able to communicate with others. Whether that is sharing your ideas, opening your mind to other’s thoughts, networking, dating whatever it is, the whole point of social networking is to be social. But have you ever gone through a period of time where you just didn’t feel like being social? Whether in the online world or real world, maybe there has been a period of time where you were wrapped up in other things and just haven’t devoted the time and energy (and lets be honest, it takes both) to have much of a social life.
I feel like thats where I’ve been lately in a lot of regards. Not so much in the real world, as any of my friends here in Bangkok can attest to, but I’ve felt rather absent from my online circles over the past month or two. Sure I spend hours and hours in front of my computer, but those have been generally focused on the more traditional definition of work, or perusing various websites as we all do from time to time.
I hadn’t realized that I was being absent from my social network until I started thinking about all of the people that I’ve been meaning to talk to and/or collaborate with over the last few months. Promises of skype calls, guest posts, and perhaps a video or two, have all fallen to the wayside as I explore this still (relatively) new life in Thailand.
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I’m not ok with that.
The whole purpose of starting the blog, going through the transformation, and coming out here, was to be MORE social and meet as many new people as possible. So when I realized this wasn’t happening, I felt a little bit ashamed.
All it takes is a brief glance at my Twitter feed to see that dozens of other bloggers I follow are doing that very thing. Whether its comments back and forth with others, or the fact they actually respond on a regular basis to most if not all of their blog comments, the most successful bloggers are constantly exploring new opportunities. I used to email any new visitors to the site to thank them and introduce myself more personally, and lately that hasn’t been happening either. If I could just subtract an hour or two of surfing the web, and replace it with social activities, I can’t imagine all of the good things that would come from it.
What is disappointing is that I actually want to be meeting others, and I’m surprised I’ve let it get to the point where it is. A friend of mine and I used to joke that the only thing we learned in college was that “people are flaky” – in the sense that very rarely will you find someone that follows through with what they say they will do.
I can’t believe I have to admit to it, but now I’m the flaky one.
I’m also not entirely sure how to break out of it. I get so distracted by the things that are going on with business and with life out here, that it can be tough to set aside chunks of time to be more social. Not to mention difficulties in terms of time, since many of the people I’d like to be talking to are a still an 11-14 hour time difference a way.
So what am I going to do about this? Well for one, I’ve always been a terrible Twitter-er. It has so much more potential, and I don’t use it to nearly the capacity I should. I see interesting things everyday that I should be sharing – yet don’t.
Step #1: Share interesting content. At least two interesting relevant links a day (No Re-tweets or blog posts).
Ok, now that I’ve got Twitter on board, whats next? How about all of those people I’ve been wanting to catch up with via Skype? I’m not sure why I haven’t done this more.
Time to start showing Twitter some love...
Actually I think I do. I’ve always been a social person, but there is still something intimidating about having a meaningful phone conversation with someone you respect, but have never talked to before. Anyone else have this issue? It really shouldn’t be a problem, because I always end up having fantastic conversations, but for some reason the apprehension is still there.
Step #2: Three Skype conversations next week with others that I’ve been wanting to connect with but haven’t. A few of you should be expecting emails in the next few days, you know who you are.
Alright, phone calls? Check. How about blog comments? You guys leave some of the most amazing, insightful comments ever, and I rarely weigh in much. Part of this is on purpose because I like seeing how the dialogue evolves, but I know that I could add a lot of value as well.
Step#3: At the very least, I will respond to each and every one of your comments for my next two posts. Have a question or thought and want a quick response? Leave a comment, simple as that. Starting with this post.
Alright, I’m hoping that doing these three things will help me put the social back in social networking. It has been a long time coming, but it’s important to remember what you are trying to accomplish, and meeting and learning from new people is near the top of the priority list for me!
Want to know how else you can help with the process? Check out my new, slowly evolving, Location 180 Facebook Fan Page! Become a fan, give me some tips, send me a message. If you have tried in the past week, there was an issue with the privacy settings, but it should be all good now, so try again!
Have you ever gotten in a networking slump? What have you done to pull yourself out of it?
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Welcome back to the online social world Sean, we’ve missed you
I made a similar sub-commitment to myself on twitter – I’m always active, but I’ve ignored the other accounts I have for networking with non-English speakers, and I’m trying to get back into that. Unfortunately, for me this means that I need over 30 tabs open on tweetdeck
If I can attempt to take on such a monstrous task, then I’m sure you can take on yours
@Benny It is good to be back! Although, I’ve gotta say, Bangkok isn’t the same without you here buddy! And yeah, if I could do a 1/10th of the things you can do then I will be in excellent shape. Keep in touch and I want to hear how progress is coming on the new language hacking product!
@Gwen I think you are spot on with your first point. I’ve been here for about three months, and everything for awhile was so new and exciting that I was too busy to actually sit back and reflect on all that has happened. Now that I’ve settled into a bit more of a routine, I have become harder on myself for not pursuing certain projects that I’ve been hoping to move forward on.
As for the “should”s I say this because now that I’ve transitioned into what some people have referred to as a “wuse” position (a working music, I have a job, but still have the freedom to live my life as I see fit), I know that there is a lot of opportunity to meet new people that could help me personally and professionally. I feel as though if I am not moving forward with cultivating those contacts, then I am wasting the unique opportunity that I’ve been presented with.
I really want to thank you for your thoughts, as it sounds as though you are a professional at this kind of thing, it is great to hear your point of view! I hope you will stay in contact in the future!
@Nate Thanks man, you’ve been supporting what I’ve been doing since the beginning, and I can’t tell you how much it means. You definitely have to find the balance. Sometimes I give the whole living in Thailand, its a new place thing a little too much credence and use it as an excuse for not being more social or productive. Thats fine from time to time, but you can’t fall into the trap of doing it forever. Let’s catch up soon, I want to hear about how things are going in your world!
@Escobar Very good points, it really is all about balance. You can’t force yourself to do things you dont want to do. However in my case, its things I want to do and just need to make a bit of a push. I suppose it also helps that in BKK if you decide to pass on one crazy party, you know there will always be another equally as crazy one the next night – you would know that even better than I! I just bought a guitar, lets jam when you are back in town!
@Richard R Central Illinois is next on my list! Ha, ok maybe not, but I will be sure to let you know if I make it out that direction. I still find it amazing that for all of the time I’ve spent on the phone with various people over the years, in various capacities, I still have that nervousness. I think I just need to keep doing it, and eventually it will just feel second nature. Also, is the apparel company the startup you mentioned? It looks pretty sweet. Before I came out here I owned an apparel business as well, actually technically still do. Absinthe Notion
@Michele Well as a fairly new follower, thank you for the comment! I really appreciate it! I am glad to hear that I haven’t let you down too much. I agree that sometimes you need to go into hiding a bit for yourself. In my case I think I just let other activities take priority and it was a matter of trying to refocus my goals and figure out what I really want to accomplish.
@Dan You got it!
@Elisa Thanks, and it was quite an enjoyable GChat convo as well! I agree, there are a lot of things out here that I am trying to fully soak in and not worry about the online aspect as much. But if I can have some of those experiences, and share them with the world as well, then all the better!
@Sophia I’m glad to hear you have started connecting with new people! Since I started this blog about a year ago, it has been a total surprise how many interesting people I’ve met online and subsequently with many, face to face. You won’t be disappointed you made the effort! Keep in touch!
@FS Here you go. This is your comment
Hi Sean
I chuckled as I read your post. As a Life Transition Coach there were many things you talked about that resonated for me personally as well as reflecting conversations I have with quite a few clients.
Thought I’d share a couple of observations with you.
I gather that you’ve recently moved locale. Don’t know how long it’s been or how great a shift of culture is involved, but it surprises me not a bit that there’d be a period of being unsettled and unfocused. Most people think stuff like that happens immediately after a move. But for many folks it can happen many months afterward. For some of us the busy-ness and newness of the move & settling in keep us engaged. But then when life finally settles down and we seem to be finally getting into a ‘new groove’, things start to go a bit wonky. We can’t stay motivated, we have bouts of listlessness, of being unfocused. All I can say is: give it a bit more time & be kind to yourself in the process. Don’t pressure yourself until you feel ready to re-engage.
My next comment is that I notice a lot of ‘shoulds’ in your post. I should be doing this, I should be doing it that way, etc., etc. If I were your coach I’d be getting curious about what’s driving you to engage social media in the first place. Is it because you truly want to or because you think it is the right/profitable/important/cool/trendy (pick as many as apply) thing to do?
‘Should’ implies that there is a rule, a belief you have …and that you are not living by that rule/belief. You might find that if you only engage ‘social media’ when you truly feel like engaging, you’ll end up with different results.
Finally, to answer your closing questions “have you ever gotten in a networking slump? what have you done to pull yourself out of it?”
I frequently get into networking slumps of different depths, different intensities and differing durations. What do I do to pull out of it? Mostly I give myself permission to not network when I don’t feel like it. I may do a post that says “I’m in hiding for the next while’, I may tell my friends that I’m taking a break or I may simply not engage. I find that when I become OK with being quiet, my need for being quiet quickly disappears. When I force myself to be social when I don’t feel like it, the situation persists and can get pretty darned ugly. And I’m an extremely social person.
Hope these thoughts help.
Gwen McCauley
http://ouicoach.com
I have definitely experienced a networking slump! I think just about everyone has.
It looks like you have a good plan though to help you snap out of it.
Keep in mind though, I don’t think anyone here sees what you’ve been doing as flaky. I know I don’t at least. I think we understand what you are doing and that it isn’t exactly conducive to hanging out on Twitter, responding to every single comment on this blog and also commenting on other blogs.
You’re in freakin’ Thailand living it up and working to create business opportunities! That should come first, in my humble opinion.
Hope you’re having a good day, man. Thanks for sharing this.
Great post, Sean. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes ‘real-life’ social and ‘online’ social are the exact same. (At least for me, anyways.) I find if I’m feeling social in real life I’m more social online, and visa-versa. I just go with the flow. It’s more authentic that way. It also prevents me from ‘social burnout’. I’ve turned down many a good party just because I felt like being home alone reading a book. But, when I do go to the next gathering, I’m excited to see everyone again. I guess it’s all about balance. To me, being social with yourself is just as important as being social with others.
Well, I think your first problem is living in an amazing city like Bangkok. You should come here to central Illinois….where there is nothing to do and you’ll find that you have copious amounts of time to comment on the blog and on facebook!
But I definitely agree that it is intimidating to talk on the phone to someone that you ‘know’ online but haven’t really met in person before. I answer phone calls all day at my work, but attempting to talk to a contact in Bangkok or Mumbai leaves my heart pounding – big time. It’s just natural, I guess.
I’m right there with you though on the whole, ‘not using twitter and facebook to it’s full potential’ thing. I’ve been so caught up with getting my startup up and running properly that marketing and building my base has taken a back seat. I too need to work on that!
Thanks for the post and I wish you luck on your attempt to hop back on the social pony!
I’m with Gwen! Anyway, life is about living, and that’s certainly what you’ve been doing, and now you’ve absorbed it enough to share it in a more comprehending way – it’s not for no reason that many wise people ‘go into retreat’ occassionally, you need the space to re-adjust your world picture. I’m a fairly recent follower, and I certainly have n’t felt hard done by! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, and hank you for caring, too, about what your followers feel ;o)
Call me!
Sean – On the flip side, you GChat with me and we’re about 12 hours apart. Almost easier than the 3 hr time difference of before!
Otherwise, yes, social networking is for being social but traveling and location independence is for immersing yourself in your location. So don’t be too hard on yourself for getting out to see the sights and experience Thailand. You’ll kick yourself more in five years for missing out on the amazing sunrise everyone saw than not Tweeting enough.
I’m happy you are making more of “an effort” and keeping social with the socialites, but don’t let online actions dictate offline life. It’s a give and take…people can be more social with you too. Even if you DID leave a Portland to jump across the globe.
I am slowly expanding my on-line social network, and just started following/friending people who I have not met face to face …. yourself included. I have slumps in networking (which is primarily in professional organizations that I belong to), but it’s usally becuase I am not specifically making time for it. Once I go back to a few meetings/events I get reconnected with all the great people that kept me participating in those organizations in the first place. Looking foward to reading more of your posts.
Would be great if you start responding to your comments from readers Sean. I would feel very special for one
Welcome back, Sean! I kind of know what you mean, as I wasn’t online as much lately when I was traveling, either because I didn’t feel like it (new places to explore) or because I was somewhere that wasn’t internet-accessible (boat trips, rainforest trips, camping, etc.). Honestly, though, I didn’t miss it at all. I can see how it would be important to be more social, particularly when it comes to building a business or even meeting new people to hang out with in a new city, but I think it’s fine to put a limit on it. Being social isn’t fun if you feel like you have to force yourself to get online and it becomes some kind of chore. After all, although I don’t think you can ever have too many friends, it seems like you’ve already met a ton of new people and had a lot of great experiences in Thailand, even if you haven’t been as socially active online as you’d like.
@Brandy I agree, if you aren’t enjoying doing it, there is no point. Meeting and collaborating and whatnot should not feel like a chore, and especially when you are traveling and experiencing new places, the internet should be the last thing on your mind. In a lot of regards, I am really happy I don’t have a blackberry or an iphone. I’ve met so many people that are glued to their devices that I think they miss a lot of what is around them because they are so busy tweeting about it. Thats definitely not what I am looking to do!
Sean, first, I’m going to agree with Gwen – watch out for the shoulds. I find that even if I plan to do something for all the right reasons and motivations, if I describe it in terms of “should do this, need to do that” it ends up feeling difficult and triggers procrastination. Just something to think about. I plan to blog about that soon.
As for feeling like a flake, the only place where that’s appropriate is if you’re actually missing on a specific expectation that you have set with somebody.
I totally get that hesitancy when dialing the phone to talk to somebody for the first time. I think we all go through that from time to time. As you say, its just a matter of clearing that initial hurdle and getting the conversation started. I remember the first time that I called Jonathan Mead. I definitely didn’t know what to expect or how it would go. But it turned out great – we ended up talking about damn near everything under the sun for over an hour.
Remember, you have an advantage in that your blog sets the stage for your credibility even before the conversation starts. In that regard you’re ahead of the game. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. As the old saying goes, remember, they’re not going to eat you
@Mike I’ve always been plagued by shoulds, definitely one of my downfalls. I think “plan” is a better word. If I can focus on plans to do something, rather than the things I “should” be doing, I imagine I will be much more productive, and feel better about it in the process.
As for the calls, it really is kind of a ridiculous insecurity considering the fact I don’t think I have had a bad/awkward call to date. So until I do I should just move forward with confidence that my conversational skills are at least some what adequate. Thanks for the comment!
@Wilson You brought up a key point in that I really am trying to build something one relationship at a time. Its all the individual and meaningful interactions that make doing this so fulfilling. So the more of those that are formed the better! BTW thanks for the comment over on the fan page, I am really hoping to gain some traction on that in the coming weeks!
It’s great bud, that you are coming out of the cave! haha just messing man. I think its really cool that you have this decision. You have to understand that we are living in the information age (you know this), and people want to know even how many times you take a #2, if you know what I mean hahaha.
But hey I think this will help you get connected with more people and thats a big one if you want to become more successful!Building a community one relation at a time is one of the secrets to success I believe. Keep in touch bro you know love you and what you are doing man, it encourages us!
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