My Last Day…

Well, it happened.  Tuesday was the last day at my job.  This has honestly been one of the most overwhelming experiences I have gone through in my life.  For the last 24 hours I haven’t been sure how to feel.  However, I think at the moment the majority of me is feeling a sense of guilt and relief.  While I don’t think my job was perfect for me, it wasn’t terrible.  I worked with good people that I think extremely highly of, however in the end, we just didn’t quite see eye to eye on how my employment would evolve there.

I purposefully won’t go into many details, but the gist of the story is that I submitted a proposal to work remotely, and they didn’t go for it.  I honestly can’t blame them at all, it was a long shot, and while I do believe there were benefits for both parties it just didn’t work out.  I have no hard feelings towards anyone, however I do have this overwhelming sense of guilt that I have let people down who have done so much for me over the last 2+ years.

On the other hand, I am also feeling an overwhelming sense of relief.  I have known for quite some time that what I was doing wasn’t my calling.  It wasn’t what I was passionate about.  It was a paycheck.  It was comfortable.  It wasn’t that bad.  But you know what?  I don’t want to settle for “not that bad”.  I want the best life I can possibly have, and I am now in a position to pursue that.  There is no best time for anything.  In my perfect world, this wasn’t the best time to leave.  Financially, I am not sure I am at a point to do everything I want to do.  But you know what?  If it didn’t happen, I may have been there forever.

Last night I went to go see the movie Couple’s Retreat.  Besides making me want to hop on the first flight to Bora Bora (see # 21 on the list), it made me really excited to start finding my passion.  I was feeling pretty down yesterday, and in the movie, when one of the characters was asked about their marriage, they mentioned “we get through it.”  To which the therapist responded, “do you really want to look back on your life and have to say that you just made it through?”  Well, as mentioned in the previous paragraph, I don’t want that.

Today has been a different day than yesterday.  I woke up at the usual time, and for (almost) the first Wednesday in over 2 years, I didn’t have to put on a tie.  I was able to go work out at 8 in the morning, rather than have to cram it into a lunch break.  If it weren’t raining right now I would head outside and go golfing just because I can.  The point is I feel this new found sense of freedom that I really have never felt before.  And while sure, this is great for today, there is a very fine line between being free and being the lazy ass who sits on their couch all day watching reruns of Saved by the Bell.  That is my biggest fear at the moment.  My life is in my hands now. If I don’t go out and make things happen, they won’t, simple as that.

Maybe I will go golf...on a Thursday morning!

Maybe I will go golf...on a Thursday morning!

Man, something has just hit me.  As I am sitting in this coffee shop, writing and catching up on all the things I have let slip over the last week, I am happy.  Seriously, considering how awful I felt yesterday, I thought it would be days before I would be able to see the positive in all of this.  But it has just hit me.  I can do whatever I want.  I can spend all day doing Photoshop tutorials.  I can sit down and crank out the long overdue manifesto I have wanted to write for months.  I can even go look for a part time job to help me pay the bills over the next few months (ok, maybe we will save that one til next week).  But I digress…

The point of all this, is just to say, don’t let your life pass you by.  Don’t let the fear of uncertainty rule your life.  I have currently never had so much uncertainty in my life.  It is uncomfortable, it is scary, but it is also exciting and hopeful at the same time.

I have been looking forward to writing this post ever since I started Location180.  Because today I am speaking from experience.  I can tell you what it feels like to not have to go into work for the first time in years.  I can tell you how scary it is to not know how you are going to bring in your next paycheck.  I can tell you that life will go on.  I can also tell you that the future, however uncertain, is bright.  And it feels great to be able to say those things definitively, and not just in speculation.

Big things and big changes are coming for me and Location180.  I am excited to finally start pursuing them with the devotion that has been lacking.

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Financial Samurai November 15, 2009 at 9:45 am

Hey Sean – Just over here from GRS. Thanks for your guest post (i put in a comment) and good to discover you.

I hope after almost a month after writing this post you’re feeling the good in all that’s happened.

The blogging community is absolutely AWESOME, and it’s so good to see so many friends and supporters.

I’m excited to follow your journey. If you ever stop by San Francisco, shoot me an e-mail!

Best,

FS

Beth November 16, 2009 at 9:59 am

Wow. I just came across Location180 and I am so very glad I did. This post actually made me tear up a bit at my desk I gotta say. I know that I am behind in your story, but I really appreciate you sharing this information with your blogging world. There is nothing as difficult as making yourself positive about a situation that many can look at as cause for negative thoughts. I read all your posts after this one, and looks like despite the ups and downs, the positivity remains.

Great writing, I am very glad I found you!

Mneiae December 30, 2009 at 7:30 am

I’m in college and posts like this make me really wonder if I’m going for the right thing. Everyone says that you should go for your passion, but I’m not entirely sure that I’m NOT going for my passion right now. I want to start a few novel concepts as businesses and I’m a business student. I’m already very familiar with the audience that I want to reach/customer base I’ll be serving. And I think that I would be called a social entrepreneur if I implemented my projects.

I admit that I’m in business school because my family has pressured me to make a lot of money. But I’m realizing that money won’t make me happy. They say that it will buy security and/or stability, but those are never guaranteed. I’m wondering what I should do with myself when I get out of school now.

Sean December 30, 2009 at 9:06 am

@Mneiae Looking back on my college and post college career, i wouldnt say that I regret going to school and getting a 4 year degree, but I definitely think there are other approaches, both in terms of school, as well as what you do after school. If you have ideas that you are passionate about, START THEM IMMEDIATELY. I cant stress enough how important it is to get something going while you are still in school. You have the freedom to do it. As soon as you graduate, things start to get a little riskier. I’m not saying it cant be done after school (it totally can), but you will have a big leg up if you do it while you are still studying. Not to mention those business techniques you learn will be fresh in your mind.

Bottom line, start now, and hopefully you will have made enough progress to keep it going once you graduate. The money will come, dont worry about your parents, you will regret not taking a chance on something you are passionate about. Email me if there is anything I can do or any questions you have.

Moon Hussain January 21, 2010 at 7:18 am

My first time here and one more great blog found! Love this post, as I can relate to it. I have a job that I don’t love but pays decent. Downsides? I don’t care for it, it makes me lazier, no passion…

So, it sounds like you were me, but you took the step that I’ve been wanting to take for months. Maybe I should repeat this over and over: “The point of all this, is just to say, don’t let your life pass you by. Don’t let the fear of uncertainty rule your life. ”

I’m glad I found your blog!

dan delphin January 29, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Even tho this is an older post, I just found it. I’ve actually been meaning to write one of these myself. Its on my todo list. :-)

Jamar May 16, 2010 at 6:56 pm

Greatness prevails! Awesome story – i realise this was nearly a year ago, but i’ll read on to see how things are travelling.I am planning to plan to do exactly this. And have a similiar keep my pursuits transparent and accountable website. I found your site through your guest post at Life Without Pants. Subscribed to both. I think i;ll learn alot.
Cheers.

Scott June 22, 2010 at 6:28 am

Fortune favors the bold!

Boomz June 28, 2010 at 11:27 pm

i am about to do the same thing as you today. and when i was about to throw in the towel, my boss gave me a raise! Now i am stuck, though not as brave as you. What should i do?

Hildergarn July 18, 2010 at 10:09 pm

Fear is False Expectations Appearing Real. Never let fear blow your mind, and thank God Sean for surpass the barrier of fear.

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